New Hope - New Direction

May 2

Another of night waking up several times and laying awake with fear and doubt, what I have termed to be "night fright", resulted in be getting about 2 hours asleep again.  I am feeling very low.  Patty tries so hard to console me, support me and bring me up.  I can tell I am bringing her down, got to stop, she is the strength through so many challenges before.  I say I am fine and that I will be ok, and say she should head off to work. Not long later my oldest sister calls to check in on me. (Coincidence no,  Patty knows big sisters can talk with little brothers like no one other).  She offers to come down to stay with me (she is a retired nurse) but I say that is not needed now.  We talk, we cry.  She makes me promise that I will share everything with my oncologist when I meet with him later in the day.

Later I have a call with my close friend.  We talk, we laugh, we cry. She says "Bruce you will probably hate me for this but you need to move beyond this bitterness and anger" and relates personal story.  It hits a cord deep in me.  Just then I hit refresh on my Facebook page and top post was for the American Discovery Trail.  A walk across America is that my future.  It has been a dream of mine for some time.  Once I'm well is this my opportunity?  I can see something out there now.

I have an appointment with my oncologist in the afternoon.  My daughter, M.E., comes along.  She has a list of questions on her pad, I am sure she is her mom's spy.  Making sure that all the questions get asked and answered and that the answers don't change before I get home :-).    Question like how much coffee... what no more 8 cups.  Infection control, should Patty change her close before coming home from her work as an in hospital physical therapist... no not needed, just probably best that we not roll around with her still in her scrubs... I say great, we can roll around after the change... my daughter turns a few shades of darker pink and say that does not happen :-)... the doctor answers "there we have proof of immaculate conception"  The appointment goes well.  He gives me a prescription to help me with my nights and also sets me up with an iron infusion for Monday.

This day started low and ended high.  My spirits are the best they have been  in a while.

Rise up

Rise up,  Rise up
Against this pain
You have much to gain

Rise up,  Rise up
Above the sorrow
As you plan tomorrow

Rise up,  Rise up
It God’s master plan
For it will make you a better man

Rise up,  Rise up
With the morning sun
To fight on until this battle is won

- Bruce