Sunday, May 11, 2014

Mothers' Day and One Mother of a Day

May 11, Sunday

The day is a very pretty day, Mothers' Day.   Patty is working.   My older brother and his wife, from Minnesota,  are stopping by later in the afternoon for a visit on their way home from a three week vacation.   Good time for me to go to the plant nursery to get flowers for a hanging basket that I traditionally plant on Mothers' Day and this one would not be any different.  Picked out a nice selection of flowers for the basket and another large flower pot too.  Going to the nursery should not be an issue, it is a five minute drive each way, 15-20 minutes to pick the plants.... well today my body decides that it needs to visit the bathroom every 30 minutes or so and not give any warning.  Fortunately I knew the nursery had a restroom and the plants were picked up.  I managed to make decent arrangements and got the basket hung in its place, just like I have for last several years.

My brother and his wife arrived and I warned them that if I jump up and start running toward bathroom not be alarmed.  My body did not make my warning unnecessary.  Makes it tough for conversation having to jump up in mid sentence and run and feel you should have jumped ten seconds earlier except ten seconds earlier you not no indication you  were going to need to jump.  This really starting to wear on me.

Patty came home from work and enjoyed the flowers.  I let her know my body was being less cooperative than "normal"

As the afternoon progressed my urgency to head to the bathroom worsened often with a frequency of 20 minutes or less.  Each time worrying whether I would make it in time or not.

My body was becoming exhausted and sore.  My back started to spasm in the early evening with a pain level to the point I was not able to stand or sit.   I am spent.

Hoping the night would be better but that was not to be.  From 10 pm to 6 am, the 17 trips to the bathroom did not leave much time for sleeping.

Things have to change, I can not go on like this.

Long Dark Path
As I enter this long dark path
With pain and fear all around
Offers of help abound
And I respectfully decline
How can they know the hurt, the pain
It is all mine
I walk a little further
The light dims behind me.
Friends and family offer to help along the way
And I give many no thanks yous
How can they help anyway
They have never filled my shoes
Darkness surrounds me feeling all alone
I reach out all around
Feeling nothing there
I step blindly forward
Falling to the ground
Feeling a familiar strong hand
Placed on my shoulder
I hear that strong and clear voice
From my distant past
Your mother and I are worried, son
As we watch over you
God sent you family and friends
To be with you and comfort you
And you cast them aside.
Now swallow your stubbornness
And your noble pride
And they will be there
To help see you through
I beg “Dad don’t leave me
I need more than ever now”
Son make your mother and I so proud
As we watch over you
High above the clouds
You know you can beat this”
I kneel there in silence
Feeling alone and in despair
I reach my hand to the air
I feel a hand grasp it
And raise me to my feet
My wife kisses me softly
And gently pulls me forward
You know you can do this”
As I move slowly forward
I feel another hand and then another
My daughter and a son
Helping to move me along.
The pace quickens
The darkness fades as if there is a glow
A friend offers her hand and another joins in
You can do it”
My path forward is much clearer now
As I look around there are more and more
Helping me along the way
When the trail gets rough
I do not stumble, I do not fall
As I am held up by them all
There is no darkness
Only gleaming light
When I accept the help from family and friends.


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