A Day of Tests and Being Tested

April 30

I sleep the night in the hospital in an exhausted and somewhat drug induced state but still waking up several times. I can't eat or drink because of the tests that have been ordered for today to find out if I have a heart, err to check out the heart I have.  I have found hospitals are much like the military... hurry up and wait.  The first test is an echocardiogram, basically an ultrasound of the heart.  I am wheeled down to the echo waiting room and given a contrast.  Need to wait 30 minutes for that to get circulated correctly.  Echo is completed back to my room and wait around some more.

Wheeled down to my stress test to check out my heart in another way.  More contrast agent and a wait.  Laid down on this table and it slide into a machine to take some pictures of my heart.  Then to the stress room.  The doctor had ordered a chemical stress test instead of the treadmill test.  The nurse was questioning why.  I had no idea.  She asked if I would rather do a treadmill or the chemical test.  I said it no difference to me.  She said they would have to get a new order from the doctor for a treadmill test... decision made, it would be a chemical test, I wasn't waiting for a new order.   They put chemical into me... felt like a form of torture to me.  Sweats, out of breath.  Back in the machine for more pictures.

Then back to my room to wait. Patty is there and my daughters come to visit also.  It is great having them there.  Finally I can eat.  I order one dinner, roast beef, potatoes, carrots, cheese cake, a banana and two cups of coffee.  Wait an hour and a half and hungry again. Order another this time a tuna sandwich, cottage cheese, forbidden carrot cake (I will eat around the raisins and nuts, ya sure), a hot chocolate and a cappuccino.  Trying to kill some head pain. caused by a combination of lack of  caffeine and the nitro gel patch that is on my lower leg.  The hospitalist  doctor stops by and says there were some concerns with my stress tests in that the showed I have had a heart attack at some time (in my mind I am thinking ya, right down there in that torture chamber they call a stress room :-)  )   and that the cardiologist wants to review all my tests of the day and the night before and would be in to see me this evening.  Seven o'clock comes goes and then eight o'clock, I mention to the nurse that I guess he won't make to night.  She says he will be here, might be 9:30 or 10 or maybe even later.

I settle in to chatting on line with my close friend.  Our chat starts out light and then gets a little heavy,  a question was asked and was answered putting my mind at ease in one dimension.   We then had to get lighter again talking about vacations and destinations.  Was a very good chat.  This friend is so helpful, more than she can know.

Waited and waited for Dr. T. to come.  He finally came and walked through his findings and concerns.  He said we could just wait and watch or he could do a cardiac cath, and check to make sure everything was fine.   I get on the phone and have the doctor explain it all to Patty as I didn't feel I should make that decision alone.  We decide it is best to find out and so would have a cardiac cath in the morning but not too early in the morning.

Now it is night with some new fears, what will they find?  Sleep is fleeting at best, probably got 2 hours which has been about normal lately.

Night Fright

God are you near?
Can you take away the doubts and fear?
Can you wipe away just one tear?
As the darkness marks the end of another day
Oh God I do pray
Please do end all my sorrows
For I want many tomorrows
In the darkness of the night
All I feel is doubt, pain and fright
I have become such a pitiful sight
As I pray to you God with all my might
For at least one tomorrow
Even with all its sorrow
As I lay awake in bed feeling so much doubt and pain
I say to God this is insane
This is truly night fright.
This is just not right
Waiting for some morning light
As I see the rising sun
I know another of God’s days has begun
As I march forward ‘til this battle is won.

-Bruce